Washbordt abs.
Ira Madison III for BuzzFeed / Via Thinkstock / Getty Images
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Which Shirtless Zac Efron Are You?
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8 Celebrity Tweets You Missed Today
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Premiere: Nick Offerman's "Hanky Song"
Netflix
This Friday Netflix will offer to the world its newest special, Nick Offerman: American Ham. The full-length comedy show is described as "a master class in life, love, woodworking, meat eating and being a man," however for any fan of Offerman's it can be described in one word: hilarious. The show shares Nick's 10 tips for prosperity, the value of making things with one's hands, love advice, and stories from his marriage to Megan Mullally, who pops up throughout the performance as well. We got a chance to ask Nick about his inspiration for this show and, more importantly, how in the world he came to be motivated to write the "Hanky Song."
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How did you find the process of selecting stories and jokes for the special?
Elucidating.
Netflix
Did anything end up on the proverbial cutting room floor?
Yes, plenty, as the show was deemed to contain too much "clean" language, and also some overly polite anecdotes that failed to mention either my balls or any bodily orifice whatsoever, so those items lacking such "quality" were left by the wayside.
At what age did you become fascinated with hankies?
I am not fascinated with handkerchiefs, but I am certainly a devout disciple of that most versatile of pocket accessories. As a young boy in rural Illinois, my Dad taught me to always carry a clean hanky every day, and my life has been all the richer for it. With a clean hanky and a multi-tool in your pockets, there's nothing you can't accomplish.
Would you say that you agree with the famous old adage, "The hanky makes the man"?
The handkerchief is not a gender-specific swatch. On the contrary, men and ladies alike can improve their quality of life by readily reserving a handkerchief in a pocket, handbag, or clutch. Thus girded, a person bearing any assortment of genitalia whatsoever will be safeguarded against misplaced mucus or other unfortunate ejaculations.
Do you happen to have a go-to hanky store?
Netflix
I do not. Such a store would strike me as superfluous, as really any small rag in the neighborhood of one square foot of surface area will suffice. If a staunch American can't procure or weave his/her own scrap of snot-cotton, what is this country coming to? What's next? Store-bought wooden furniture?!
Do you have any plans to write more songs in the future?
Describing my pieces as "songs" is extremely generous — for which I thank you sincerely. As such, I do intend to "compose" more "songs" for my continued efforts in engendering mirth amongst the American public. You can also expect to see from me further attempts to "play" my guitar.
***
And now without further ado, the premiere of the "Hanky Song":
Nick Offerman: American Ham premieres this Friday, Dec. 12, at 12:01 a.m. PST on Netflix in the U.S., Canada, and the U.K./Ireland.
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Amy Poehler's Opinion On 26 Random Things
David J. Bertozzi / BuzzFeed
While on her whirlwind book tour for Yes Please the effortlessly funny Queen Poehler graced the BuzzFeed offices with not only her presence, but her thoughts and opinions on items of varying degree of seriousness. OK, so most of the following things are not at all serious, but her astute remarks about them are just as important.
1. Waffles
Yummy.
David J. Bertozzi / BuzzFeed
2. Green juice
Weird.
3. Electronic Dance Music
Ecstasy deaths.
4. Emoji
A steaming pile of poop.
5. The Real Housewives
Jail.
6. Taylor Swift's new album
1989 — year I graduated. So I was like, Wow, I feel really old.
7. Halloween
For children only. Not a fan of Halloween. Fuck, man. I can't stand Halloween. If I was dating a guy that was into Halloween I'd be like, Keep walking.
8. Boston accents
David J. Bertozzi / BuzzFeed
Pass. Just disgusting.
9. Pumpkin Spice Lattes
Too much sugar and flavor. Way too much flavor.
10. The Oprah Winfrey Show
God, I miss it. I miss Oprah's show so much, man. I should have written about this in my book. You don't understand what it was like, Oprah was on every day. Every dayyyy. After school. Every day for an hour. So good. The network, I'm all for it, but I just really miss her show. So much. I should call her and tell her this.
11. Going to the gym
No thank you.
12. Scrunchies
Oh! Um, [they're] fine. Also, it's OK to be a little depressed. Everyone is, sometimes. It's OK.
13. Crimped hair
The first thing I thought of was "music video." I used to go real crimp. I also like that they added it as a category on So You Think You Can Dance. It started in Houston, I think.
14. Wearing sandals with socks
…It's OK to be a little depressed!
David J. Bertozzi / BuzzFeed
15. Wearing sunglasses at night
No doubt, that is cool. I think it's cool. I think sunglasses are really cool. Let me put it this way: If a guy likes Halloween it's a pass, but if a guy showed up at my apartment at night I would be like, What's your story?
16. Poufy bangs
It was a tough time.
17. Yoga
Sure. I mean, I'd like to do more. I think it's really great. I'm not very flexible but I know it's not about a competition and just stay-in-your-own-lane… you know, it's not about that.
18. Texting the word "K" and "K" only
OK. I try to do that and it always comes up "I"; it autocorrects me. Also I try to text "oy" a lot and it comes up "yo," which is not great when a friend texts and is like, "It's not good, my mom is still sick," and I write back, "Yo." And also, while I have you — I assume that BuzzFeed talks to Apple and you guys all know each other now — it's ALWAYS "fucking," iPhone. It's not "ducking," it's "fucking." Stop. Like, get it right and make it "fucking." It's crazy that I can't say "fucking" on my phone; it's bullshit. It's ducking bullshit.
19. One Direction
Not so familiar but I like all of their hair. But I don't know their music too well.
20. Potty training
Oh, yeah, just got out of that. For myself. My children have been out of diapers for years.
21. Showering every day
David J. Bertozzi / BuzzFeed
That's what I do — is that bad? I know that you're not supposed to wash your hair every day but I forget. I'll be like, Don't wash your hair, don't wash your hair, don't wash your hair, and then I just instinctually start washing it and be like, Oh, fuck I wasn't supposed to wash my hair. I love a shower. I love a shower and I'm not afraid to admit it.
22. The Boston Red Sox
Yes. Yay. Go, Red Sox. Go, yay. I mean, I haven't really been following them but they are my team. And when they won I was in New York City and that was super exciting to watch it with other super fans like Mike Schur, who created Parks and Rec, and Seth Meyers. We stormed the streets.
23. Tina Fey
Queen.
24. Lorne Michaels
King. (laughs)
25. Cats
No thanks. Sorry. I don't hate them, but, um, you know. I like a lot of people who like cats. I feel like I'm going hear from the cat lobby here — I don't like any animal that you can't find when you get home. I don't like that. I want to know where they are, always.
26. Dogs
I mean, OK. I like them both, I don't want anyone to hurt them. But now that I have two little kids in my house the thought of feeding another living thing is like, No fucking way.
***
Yes Please (Dey Street Books) is now available in bookstores everywhere.
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10 Celebrity Moments That Basically Broke Twitter In 2014
Queen Lorde ~ruled~ Twitter this year.
89,029 Tweets per minute.
97,153 Tweets per minute.
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Kate Middleton Gives Instantly Iconic Royal Side-Eye
~Welcome To New York~.
As you must know by now, Duchess Catherine — Kate as I call her — is visiting New York. Whilst in this concrete jungle, she got some orders from a faceless lady telling her to "Keep Wrapping." Kate's response needs no words.
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Harry Styles' Ex-Girlfriends Are Most Definitely Re-Creating "John Tucker Must Die"
Why else would they all be hanging out together?
We know that Harry and Taylor Swift dated.
FameFlynetUK/FAMEFLYNET PICTURES
We know that Harry and Kendall Jenner dated.
NGRE/AKM-GSI NGRE
And we also know that Harry and Cara Delevingne maybe/kind of dated.
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The 10 Most Popular Celebrities On Twitter In 2014
Can *you* guess which celeb was talked about the most on Twitter this year?
Taylor Swift
Getty Images Christopher Polk
Louis Tomlinson
Getty Images Jason Merritt
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21 Excruciatingly Hard Rounds Of Same Name "F@&k, Marry, Kill"
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9 Celebrity Tweets You Missed Today
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10 Celebrities Who Gained The Most Followers In 2014
That’s a LOT of followers in a single year.
Rihanna: 6.2 million new followers
For a total of 25.8 million followers.
Getty Images / D Dipasupil
Demi Lovato: 6.3 million new followers
For a total of 25.8 million followers.
Daniel Boczarski
Kim Kardashian: 7.2 million new followers
For a total of 26.3 million followers.
Getty Images / Alberto E. Rodriguez
Selena Gomez: 8 million new followers
For a total of 25.1 million followers.
AFP / Getty Images FREDERIC J. BROWN
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30 Times Chrissy Teigen Completely Owned 2014
Behold, The Year of the Teigen.
The time Michael Scott was her sole inspiration:
The time her selfie game was too strong for you:
The time she revealed the truth behind the legend:
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Freida Pinto And Dev Patel Have Broken Up After Six Years Together
Additional scoop: Love is dead.
The adored and adorable pair who fell in love on set of Slumdog Millionaire, and into a relationship in 2008, have now split.
US Magazine reports that the couple, who have called one another "soul mates" before, have officially broken up. But according to one source of the couple, they have apparently been "done for awhile now". In fact, friends have already been setting Freida up on dates.
Getty Images for Wallis Annenberg Center for the Performing Arts / Jason Merritt
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After "Community" Was Canceled, Joel McHale Asked Sony For A Discount On An $8,000 TV
The funny exchange, which McHale today acknowledged on Twitter, was noticed in the leaked Sony emails by Business Insider .
Joel McHale
Jonathan Alcorn / Reuters
McHale wanted the 65-inch X950B 4K Ultra HD, which retails for $7,999.99.
He wrote:
Hello Fayanne,
It's Joel McHale. You might remember me from such canceled Sony tv shows as—Community.
Sad.
Very sad.
So when I was talking to Steve about the show ending last Friday, I asked about a discount on a Sony tv. He said of course. He's the greatest as you know. I didn't want to bother him with the specific details of the screen I want so I thought I would bother you. I hope that is it [sic] cool.
It's below. You can check with Steve obviously if this all sounds strange.
I'm not sure how this all works but I'm happy to send a credit card number wherever necessary.
Thanks Fayanne. I'm very much going to miss working at Sony.
Cheers
Joel
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The Definitive Ranking Of Kate Middleton's NYC Tour Outfits
The Duchess of Cambridge was only in America for a whirlwind two days, but she she still managed to rock some amazing ensembles.
MIHAI ANDRITOIU / Pool / Reuters / Getty / Jenny Chang
AP Photo/Seth Wenig, Pool
Brendan Mcdermid / Reuters
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Harry Styles Goes Out Of His Way To Comfort A Fan Having A Panic Attack
Because he is an actual gift from god, with a heart made of rainbows and sunshine.
Ruth had been ~dying~ to meet Harry for years now.
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21 Times Zoë Kravitz Embodied Perfection
We are not worthy.
This is Zoë. She's a musician. She's an actress. She is perfect.
Getty Images Frazer Harrison
Getty Images Andreas Rentz
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19 Reasons Taylor Swift & Karlie Kloss Are The Ultimate #FriendshipGoals
Kaylor was the best thing to happen in 2014 and if you don’t agree you are wrong.
They celebrate each other's accomplishments:
There is no competition here, there is only love and support. 👯
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8 Celebrity Tweets You Missed Today
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31 Reasons Jennifer Lawrence Reigned Supreme Once Again In 2014
It wasn’t over, it still isn’t over.
Jennifer Lawrence was once again the supreme queen of everyone's lives this year.
Getty Images for BFI Stuart C. Wilson
First of all, she held the secret power to always know exactly when to turn it on for the cameras.
jenniferlawrencegifs.tumblr.com
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